Well, well, well…

You may have noticed a gaping hole in your life, unrelated to the downward spiral of everything falling apart around you. It’s true; we’ve been sorely lacking in content these past few weeks. Lacking so sorely, in fact, that it was down next to nothing. Right next to nothing. So close to nothing it might as well have been nothing. Because it was.

But as the summer months have rolled from July to August with swift, terrible oppression, the weather has finally broken; the veil has been lifted. Yes, it is indeed true, folks: Brett Myers is back in Philadelphia.

And so are we. Maybe not physically, or at least permanently, in a 24/7/365 sense, but our consciousness is back on the vibrant Philly scene, just in time for the baseball stretch run, Kevin Kolb’s first season as starter and Flyers training camp. And Doug Collins. And Red Bull Flugtag.

Maybe all that was needed was a hair-pulling incident or a black eye from having a catch with a kid. Maybe none of that matters at all. The fact is, as Brett Myers takes the mound tonight at Citizens Bank Park, you can rest easy knowing Philly Fan Complex is back on the scene, Philadelphia business privilege taxes be damned. And that Sam Carchidi will not be there to pick a fight with Jacksonville’s second most famous native son (behind Fred Durst, of course):

“How do you spell ‘retard’?”

Fortunately, Carchidi has a foil on his current beat with the Flyers, one captain Mike Richards.

(PFC legal team note: Philly Fan Complex resides outside the limits of The City of Philadelphia, and therefore will not be ensnared in this vicious revenue scheme. You’ll just have to settle for the parking tickets.)

As you all know, our beloved Philadelphia Phillies are on the comeback trail, surging to a 12-2 record in the past 14 games.  There are 22 games left in the month of August, 16 of them at home.  Need I remind you, they are currently on an 11 game win streak when playing in front of the rowdy Philly faithful.  So, things are promising.

All of this is occurring during a barrage of injuries to the entire Phillies lineup.  The list is seemingly endless: Howard, Utley, Polanco, Victorino, Rollins (twice), Ruiz, Schneider, Happ, Moyer, and Madson just to name one or two off the top of my head.  Jayson Werth might as well have been on the DL, since for a stretch of the season he was swinging his twig so ghastly.  Still though, they persevered and have finally begun stringing consecutive wins together.

Last night, August 5, the Phillies found themselves in a bizarre but tense struggle against the Florida Marlins.  Again, they did battle without some of their most well known swingers (batters, people…were talking baseball).  Yet again though, we chalked up another tally in the “W” column, regardless of how controversial.

This win streak is due to two things: solid defense/pitching and the unknown players, the ones that are not on Sports Center daily, the ones that do not have pockets exploding with Benjamins, the ones that drive Toyota Camry’s to the park…ok maybe not Camry’s but you get the picture.  Our bench/position players have become an integral part of the Phillies’ success.  For years now, there has been one man consistently playing that role and consistently laying in the shadows, quietly doing his job and consistently doing it without the recognition he deserves.  That man is #51, Carlos Ruiz.

Last night’s display has inspired to me finally give him some of the credit he is due.  Have you ever heard a complaint come from Ruiz? How about a statement in general?  No! Whether this is because he always talks with a catcher’s mitt in front of his mouth, combined with a thick Hispanic accent that sounds like Antonio Banderas with a bad mumbling problem… or the fact that he just loves playing baseball. This guy is “captain clutch”, a fantastic catcher, and an ice cream eatin’ extraordinaire.  Thus, I proudly present to you, the top ten reasons Carlos Ruiz is the best player on the Philadelphia Phillies (right now).

10. The dude’s nickname is Chooch. How many people do you know nicknamed Chooch? Yeah, you don’t.  “Sounds like a big Choo-Choo Train” (thank you Adam Sandler).

9.  In 2007 he had one of the highest fielding percentages among catchers with a .997, with only 2 errors in 744 chances. Yeah it was 3 years ago but if you held those kinds of numbers you’d probably walk around with it tattooed on your forehead. I would at least.

8.  He’s #51 in the books, and #7 in the batting lineup, but #1 in our hearts.

7.  If you say his name backwards it is Solrac Ziur, which is without a doubt badass.

6.  When receiving a pie in the face, it brings him back to his childhood days filled with carnivals and piñatas…hence the heavy home run swing we see today.

5.  On May 29^th, Halladay threw a perfect game, which he attributes to the pitch calls of his catcher. Why do you think Halladay pitched a perfect game? Maybe because the sphere-like rocket that was propelling out of his hand was coming to a resting spot in a little place I like to call “The Glove”. And who does “The Glove” belong to? That’s right. Solrac Ziur himself. (See #7)

4. He has given myself and my compadres something to do for several hours during the work day, a la this article.

3.  Wait..didn’t Ruiz steal home that one time? OH YEAH. He did. Against the Reds back in ’07. Some of you may ask “How is this possible for a man of his stature?” Well, ladies and germs, if you’re name is Carlos and you have a set of legs attached to an ass bigger than J-Lo’s, you best be able to steal a lot more than home-No homo.

2.  Chooch is Spanish for Clutch. How else can one get dubbed Señor Octubre after the Phils second straight run to the World Series?  He draws walks, hits doubles, and really shines in the post season with a .409 OBP. ¿Reggie Jackson quién?

1. Let’s talk about a place I like to call Panama. Carlos Ruiz not only built the Panama Canal with nothing more than a Rawlings 34” Maple bat and a few pieces of Big League Chew, but he happens to hold the honorary title of being the only player of Panamanian descent to catch a perfect game. Yeah I said it. Panamanian. It’s that serious.

A special thanks to the aforementioned “compadres”, D-Roc and Justin, who greatly assisted me in the development of this list.